Review: And She Was

And She Was
by Jessica Verdi

Publisher: Scholastic
Publication Date: March 27, 2018

AND SHE WAS is very much a traditional “go on life changing road trip with best friend who you may or may not have feelings for” book, but it is also so much more. Dara Baker is a very passionate tennis player who doesn’t have time for much other than being a very passionate tennis player, and spending time with her mom and apparently only friend, Sam. This is the guy who she goes on the life changing road trip with. Dara learns more about others than she does herself on this road trip, which is prompted by learning that her mom is transgender.

AND SHE WAS is one of the best books I’ve ever read – and for a good third of it, I hated the main character. This started on page 200 for me and didn’t really stop until Dara came all the way back home. When she was throwing up in the hotel… Serves you right. When she was thinking about how she couldn’t deal with her mother’s suicidal thoughts… Wow, someone else’s really hard time must be such a burden for you (sarcastic). Why am I such an unwavering critic of our adorable protagonist here? Because I agree with her friend Sam-- she is selfish, immature, and definitely unraveling. 

Dara keeps saying her anger with her mother isn’t about “the trans thing,” oh, but it is. Contradictory to my dislike of the “hero,” I actually have extremely high levels of sympathy. I am a sensitive soul. I care. For Mellie, and Sam. (And Bob.) I am nonbinary. Trans issues are very important to me. Dysphoria, mental health, the will to sacrifice your money when you shouldn’t have to, parents and friends having varying levels of acceptance and otherwise, all of it. I don’t like Dara much because she seems unwilling to grasp true fear, to really understand, to listen, even just enough to actually care. When she says this herself in the last few chapters, I sigh with relief. Finally. 

This book touched me so deeply, it made me cry. I love Mellie. There are too many Mellies in this world, and way too many Daras and Ruths. My mother is a wonderful, liberal, tries-really-hard-to-accept version of Ruth. “Honestly, we were thrilled,” Ruth says on page 235, “We thought Marcus was a lovely boy…” My mother, and Ruth, both have no problems with “the trans community” to its face, but will ask, “C’mon. Why is all that necessary?” Why? “Isn’t is better to accept yourself?” Isn’t it? “Aren’t you proud of being a boy/girl?” I’m not not proud! Imagine being the thing people constantly question. Jessica Verdi gets it. She gets it enough to write about it. I love this book. Read this book.